"The Smurf has conquered Gargamel!"

Guest post #2~ Random Thoughts for you on a snowy Tuesday~

My post-op appointment is tomorrow, so I'm hopeful to learn more then. Weather has been snowy & cold with a forecast of more of the same, so the plan is to head to Billings this afternoon with my dad, so we don't have to worry about making my appointment with Dr. Ross tomorrow morning. I'll update accordingly Wednesday or Thursday.

I’ve been loving the “10 Things That Scare Me” podcast because it was about how long my attention span was for a while there. I’ve learned it changes a little bit every day, but it’s kind of amazing how therapeutic it is to make your list.

Today’s (in no particular order.)

1.     Heights/falling. Falling has always been a fear & I’m wimpy about heights, but lately I’m super scared of falling down the stairs. (Still makes me nervous with the wonky left side. I’m into handrails.)

2.     The dark. (Imaginations are weird I tell ya!)

3.     Being “mostly dead.” All the way dead or mostly OK are fine.

4.     Head injuries- particularly frontal lobe. (This has been since long-before the current situation- but it was what scared me the most when the radiology report said the tumor was frontal lobe. Finally seeing the scans, it was WAY bigger than I envisioned, but further back in the frontal lobe, which made me feel a little better at least.)

5.     Scary movies. I’m super wimpy.

6.     Having to kill something to put it out of it’s misery. I know it’s the right thing to do, and I just can’t do it. It’s torture.

7.     The irreparable degradation of the environment for temporary economic gains.

8.     Loss of access to public lands.

9.     Losing my friends & family.

10. Birdie aging and knowing when “it’s time.”

The left-sided pins & needles & inability to feel muscles firing persists. They are still confident that will resolve as swelling goes down. I never knew I could enjoy walking on a treadmill as much as I have been lately. The consistency of footing is appreciated, so I can walk a lot faster than uneven/icy stuff.

I enjoy social interactions & getting out & about, but try to keep it to about an hour at a time. I just get tired & start having a hard time tracking conversations. I try to schedule downtime to break up the day. So far, I'm still terrible at time management- that might be real me & not Gargamel afterall...

I’ve been (pretty) good about staying off the sugar. My infection risk was fairly high post-operatively due to all the metal hardware in my head & the high-dose steroids I was on.

I can’t drink alcohol & can’t say I have a particularly strong desire to at this point.

All that flight physiology stuff they teach us is for realz. The 1000’ elevation gain from Billings to Bozeman post-op was pretty uncomfortable with the little bit of air that was still trapped under my skull & scalp.  I can still hear everything moving around in there (a lot of rice crispies, chirps, squeaks & groans), but it doesn’t hurt without elevation changes; It’s just weird.

I’ve been drinking decaf coffee at their recommendation & don’t miss caffeine at all. Might stick with it. I still have my at-least-twice-daily home-made espresso drinks- they’re just decaf. I still love making guests full-octane beverages~ so stop on by!

I’m not sure what took me so long, but I finally made my own almond milk & don’t think I’ll ever buy it from the store again- delicious! (Thanks Mrs. P & nourishmintwellness.com! She has also dropped of super recovery smoothies EVERY DAY since I've been home.)

My friends are funny & I've gotten some hilarious care packages & cards.

You guys are also great cooks & the meal train has been super helpful as I haven't been able to drive or had much attention span for cooking. I'm hoping to rope some of you into teaching me to cook some new things in the next phase of recovery.

I wrote Vim&Vigr a thank you for making fantastic compression calf sleeves. (I CANNOT sleep in socks, but I knew I’d be on blood clot precautions in the hospital, so I brought my own sleeves hoping it would get me out of wearing compression socks- it did!) I run in compression sleeves & love their compression socks for  long nursing shifts. They generously sent me several pairs of socks in exchange for my story.

  

My co-workers are the greatest in all the land—both my flight family- REACH & Life Flight- and my PACU/PeriOp people.

I couldn’t be more thankful for the crew out at Montana Murray Kennels & how great they have always been with the grey beast & keeping her safe & happy when I have needed them. She loves the people there, so I have NO guilt in dropping her off. It’s priceless.

There’s no doubt in my mind the 2+ years I’ve been with The Mountain Project gym helped tee me up- mentally and physically- for a speedy recovery. The coaches have been super encouraging through recovery & I made it back in the doors yesterday for some treadmilling, light erging & stretching. It felt damn good. I’ll be back!

Bridger Bowl Ski Patrol has been there for me through some tough times & this has been no exception. I think about Kevin tons.

I'm still not sure why Matt stuck around through the last 2-3 years that Gargamel has been unknowningly and increasingly affecting me & a lot of my me-ness, but I'm sure glad he did.  ;)

I have had a worsening tremor for ~3years now. I hope it goes away, but if not, it’s one more thing I have in common with my brother ;)

I didn't want to share my MRI scans with many folks before surgery because Gargamel was just too big & ugly to instill a particularly hopeful feeling. Especially to non-medical folks. But now that's he's out, here they are... (I'd explain to you what you're looking at, but lets be honest, it's pretty obvious... there's no missing that tumor!)

I’m hoping that at my appointment tomorrow they pull me off of the anti-seizure medication & give me the OK to start driving again. However, in the meantime & if not: anyone willing & able to drive me to The Mountain Project, easy yoga classes or mellow dog walks with them, I’d greatly appreciate it! Just text me. (I still silence my phone often, so if you don’t hear back, go on ahead without me & thanks for trying!)